Paula Deen Suffers From Foot-in-Mouth Disease

BAWWWWW

It’s hard not to follow the unfolding events of butter-cooking queen Paula Deen and her recent proclamations about the African-American community.  From her initial revelation under oath that she used “the N-word” after being held up, to her rather folksy racist views about her poor token friend Hollis not being discernible from a blackboard, to her thoughts on how a proper wedding should be held, it seems as if whenever Paula turns up in the news these day it’s because of some new crazy implication about her deep racist views.  Even Jesse Jackson has chimed in saying Paula can be “redeemed” and now all the pieces are in place for at least two more news cycles of inane gossip and garbage that passes for news these days.  The thing is, NONE of this ever had to happen.

The way I figure it is either Paula Deen is so incredibly racist that she had to at least admit to once using the infamous slur under oath to help ease her sensibilities, or she is a moron who doesn’t know when to keep her mouth shut.  I’m voting for the latter.  You have to realize that this deposition came as a result of a lawsuit filed by Lisa Jackson, a former employee at one of Deen’s restaurants.  The suit alleges (among other things) that “racially discriminatory attitudes pervade,” African-Americans were held to “different, more stringent, standards” than whites at the restaurant, Hiers (Deen’s brother and co-owner) regularly made offensive racial remarks, Hiers violently shook employees on multiple occasions and came to work in an “almost constant state of intoxication,” and in showing Deen’s racism Jackson claims that while discussing a wedding she said “Well what I would really like is a bunch of little niggers to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts and black bow ties, you know in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around. Now that would be a true southern wedding, wouldn’t it? But we can’t do that because the media would be on me about that.”

Please tell me this shit doesn’t exist.

Now these are some serious allegations and in her defense Deen says they are all patently false…and THAT should be the end of the story until the trial itself unfolds.  But now here is where Deen steps in and proceeds to shoot herself in the foot.  She admits in the deposition to using the “N-word” back in 1986 after being robbed.  A moment of weakness?  A slip of the tongue?  Perhaps.  But let me ask you this, how well can anybody remember ANYTHING they said 18 years ago, especially while under duress?  No, the proper response should have been “No, to my best knowledge I have never used any racially offensive terms.”  That answer makes much more sense than “I used it once back in ’86” which sounds much more like she’s hiding something and could only come up with that bullshit statement on the fly.

From here things have just seemed to have snowballed out of control for poor Paula.  She put out some ridiculous apology video which only further muddies the matters, and in response has been dropped from 11 companies including losing her cooking show and her new cookbook.  All in all some bad times for the former queen of heart clogging sugar spiking southern goodness.

Then there is this article.  See the whole reason behind Lisa Jackson’s lawsuit is that she is “African-American adjacent” which means my fourth cousin Willie on my husband’s side is black so I will use that to justify the racism I see around me.  This seems like a pretty flimsy premise to initiate a multimillion dollar lawsuit to begin with, and you would think that Paula’s lawyers would be focusing on either disproving this claim, or showing that it s not really Jackson’s motivation…and they are.  In an ironic (if not moronic) twist, Deen’s camp is claiming that Lisa Jackson in fact has NO African-American relatives on either her or her husband’s side of the family.  Shocking to say the least.  However not as shocking as the fact that this whole very public debacle being public in the first place is all of Paula’s doing.  Every misstep, every unfortunate quote, every move further down the rabbit hole has all been due to Deen saying increasing ridiculous shit trying to revert previously said ridiculous shit.  It’s like an ever-increasing black hole of bullshit that will only end when Paula lets herslef be sucked down into the middle of it and disappear from the public spotlight.  Yeah, like that will ever happen.

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