Good News on the Horizon

There have been a lot of disheartening stories in the news as of late.  With the tornadoes in the mid-west, the revelations that the NSA has been spying on pretty much everyone in the world, and ignorant bigots wrapping themselves in the veil of religion to spew their hatred, the news seems to be nothing but tragedy and heartbreak as of late.  Well fear not true patriots of the stars and stripes, for there is one piece of news out there that is sure to get the collective artery-clogged hearts of America dysrhythmically pumping with agonizing chest pains of joy.  Look who’s back in town…

That’s right, Hostess announced today that Twinkies, CupCakes and Donettes will all be returning to store shelves on July 15.  Now perhaps there are some of you (Europeans presumably) who might not think that this is terribly important or relevant in the grand scheme of things.  After all, Nelson Mandela is dying (and who knows what kind of drama will come of it), The Taliban are attacking the presidential palace in Kabul, and HOLY SHIT plants can do math, but for the great unwashed mass that is the collective of general American thought none of this matters.  What matters is that two attention whores start ruining their child at birth, and everyone’s favorite creme filled pastry treat is back on the shelves.  I won’t bore you with the details of the restructuring of the company, who’s investing, or any other insignificant information, I will simply point out that when push comes to shove, American’s will indeed fight for and support what they deem to be a worthy cause; after all Hostess did help out the American housewife.  So fear not Paula Deen, even though you present yourself like some sort of time traveler from the pre Civil War south, know that when it comes down to what matters most Americans will proudly stand behind you, your fried buttery treats, and your indentured servants in the back room doing all the heavy lifting.


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